Monday, July 23, 2007

When Are We Going To Stand Up and Stand Up?!

Tonight, the wanna-be videographers of YouTube joined the wanna-be presidents of the democratic party for a program less resembling a debate and more a circle-jerk. Do you find So You Think You Can Dance exciting? Watch these presidential candidates shout circular arguments with more enthusiasm than Benji and Lacey: "Call 1-800-VOTES-08".

Here's what I learned (In descending order):

10.) YouTube + CNN = The Missing Link: Whether I personally enjoyed the debate, this type of programming may spell the future for YouTube and those akin. What a good way to combine the internet/tv paradigms. I wouldn't be surprised to see all of this running smoother, and, ideally, entirely interactive by the major debates of '08, and definetely by '12.

9.) Public School, Good; Private School Bad Apparently, if you want to take office you must keep the kids with the common folk. Not-so-surprisingly, no one mentioned whether they attended public school.

8.) Girls Wear Pink: Either out to prove her womanhood or simply a case of style-over-sensability, Hillary sport a svelte pink Kimono-like dress. Hot or Not? Obama says not.

7.) Don't Smile for the Sake of Smiling: I'm looking at you Kucinich. No one wants their president to resemble the child predator in an ABC after school special.

6.) Gay Marriage is so Gay: Democrats, once known for being liberal, refuse to grow a pair and support that pair marrying another pair.

5.) War's Confusing: There were two major opinions on an Iraqi exit strategy: "Get the Fuck Out" or "Shut the Fuck Up." On one hand we need to get away from Iraq (an impossible task, certainly one eager to bite the ass of any candidate supporting the instant exit strategy soon enough), or we must calm down, and figure things out for the (relative) long-haul. The audience cheered for both sides. So, what do we want?

4.) The Circle Jerk Policy: People like to show off, a truth apparent in the majority of YouTube videos. Regretfully, they lacked anything to show. Faulty editing, cheap jokes, and high-school loners fell flat. Outside of the RedState/BlueState breather and the forward "Do you support gay marriage" video, no questions matched the opportunity: real people asking direct questions, not political fodder. Other primary videos included eye-straining silent films, and a series of "my child's in Iraq, you have no idea what that's like." Well, obviously, but what does this PR-bred empathy have to do with a presidency? How many times can candidates apologize to people they don't (and never will) know? Instead of answers we got "sorrys" and catty snipes at one another about miniscule policy differences.

3.) Darfur I'm lost. When did this become a topic American's cared about beyond the color of their iPod? Why does every candidate have wild idea about how to solve it? Why does no one bring up Bill Clinton's inability to participate in the major international dilemna's during his candidacy, or, more so, the congress that tied his hands with a stain on a dress? I need to get a book on Darfur STAT.

2.) Anderson Cooper is No Wolf Blitzer - Fact or Fiction: Regretfully, fact

1.) Biden FTW: He wants it. Of all the candidates, I feel Joe Biden wants it. He's more willing to give direct answers; he's more likely to show real emotion; he's, more or less, out of this race before it starts. Poor guy. I imagine simple mantra gets him through the day: 'At least I'm not Kucinich.'

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